I grew up playing lots of cozy games. The kind with soft music, gentle pacing, and worlds you can sink into after a long day. But not everything about my gaming experience was always cozy.
Many of the games I loved were competitive, and sometimes the communities surrounding them were anything but welcoming. Games like League of Legends and Overwatch introduced me to fast-paced gameplay, teamwork, and strategy, but also to environments that could feel tense or outright toxic at times. While this blog is a space where I often discuss comfort and joy in gaming, the truth is that many cozy gamers also spend time in competitive environments.
And if you’re a gamer girl, those spaces can feel very different.
We are not the minority.
Competitive gaming is often described as male-dominated, and in many ways, it feels that way. Voice chat, ranked modes, and high-pressure matches are frequently loud, aggressive, and unkind. About ten years ago, when I was playing more competitively, this was definitely the case. But the numbers now tell a different story.
In Canada, women actually make up just over half of all gamers, accounting for about 51% of the gaming community, according to the Entertainment Software Association of Canada. Despite this, competitive online environments still tend to feel overwhelmingly male.
That disconnect exists because presence and visibility are not the same thing. Many gamer girls choose not to use voice chat, avoid public lobbies, or stick to playing with friends, not because they lack confidence or skill, but because they’ve learned how quickly those spaces can turn hostile.
In other words, gaming isn’t male-dominated because women aren’t here. We’re here. We’re just quieter, more cautious, and often protecting our peace.
Through years of playing competitive games alongside cozy ones, these are the biggest lessons I’ve learned.
- Only chat if you feel comfortable, not just confident
One of the first things I learned is that confidence and comfort are not the same thing.
You can be good at a game and still feel uneasy using voice chat, especially in male-dominated spaces. In competitive matches, emotions run high. When mistakes happen, people look for someone to blame, and outdated stereotypes about girl gamers still surface quickly.
What helped me was realizing that I don’t owe anyone my voice. If I don’t feel comfortable speaking, I don’t. Muting players, using pings, or staying silent is not a weakness, it’s self-preservation.
Arguing rarely helps. It escalates situations, ruins your mood, and pulls focus away from why you’re playing in the first place. Muting, staying calm, and moving on allows you to keep enjoying the game without carrying unnecessary stress.
Confidence can be powerful, but comfort always comes first.
2. Your gameplay matters more than your voice
For a long time, I felt pressure to talk just to prove I belonged. But over time, I learned that my performance speaks louder than anything I say.
Strong positioning, smart decisions, good teamwork, and consistent play are what truly matter. Many games offer effective non-verbal communication tools, and using them well can be just as impactful as voice chat.
You are allowed to let your gameplay represent you. You don’t need to announce yourself to be taken seriously.
When games start to stress you out and your performance falters, taking a short break can make all the difference. Even a quick, calming solo game can help you reset.
3. Find your community
Gaming feels very different when you’re not doing it alone.
Finding friends, Discord servers, or small communities where respect and fun come first completely changed my experience. Playing with people who laugh at mistakes instead of yelling, who value teamwork over ego, and who understand that games are meant to be enjoyed makes competitive play feel lighter.
The right community can turn stressful games into comforting rituals. It reminds you that the problem isn’t you. It’s the culture you’re choosing not to tolerate.
You can start your search in places like Reddit communities (r/CozyGaming, r/GirlGamers), gaming Discord servers (Girlies Squad), smaller Twitch streams with active moderation, and by slowly building connections with respectful players you meet in-game.
Once you find your community, you’ll have the perfect group to enjoy all kinds of games together (not just the competitive ones!), like the ones I highlight in my post on 6 Co-op Games Perfect for a Girls’ Night In!
4. You do not owe anyone an explanation
One of the most freeing lessons I learned was this: you don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you’re playing, how you play, or why you’re there.
You don’t need to justify your rank, your champion choice, your hero pick, or your playstyle. You don’t need to defend your presence in a lobby. If someone questions you, you are allowed to ignore them.
Your enjoyment of the game is reason enough.
5. Celebrate the small wins
Not every win shows up on a scoreboard.
Sometimes a win looks like finishing a match without muting half the lobby. Sometimes it’s meeting kind teammates. Sometimes it’s choosing to log off before frustration takes over. And sometimes it’s simply enjoying a game the way you want to, without letting anyone else dictate that experience.
Learning to celebrate those moments helped me reconnect with why I started gaming in the first place. Games should feel good, even when they’re competitive.
If you’re a gamer girl navigating competitive spaces, know this: you are not alone, and you are not an outsider. We make up more than half of the gaming community, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Whether you’re playing cozy games, competitive games, or a mix of both, you deserve to feel comfortable, respected, and excited to play.
Protect your peace. Play your way. And never let anyone convince you that you don’t belong, especially now that we girls dominate the field.
Looking for more tips? Check out the video below of Reese Witherspoon interviewing Valkyrae, one of the biggest gamer girl influencers of this generation.
If you feel comfortable, I’d love to hear your experiences. What lessons have competitive games taught you? 💬
Cozy Girl Games 
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